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DaBair β€” Way to make us feel like shit.

Published: 2022-05-17 00:11:54 +0000 UTC; Views: 7030; Favourites: 74; Downloads: 0
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Description WARNING: What I am about to discuss is a very serious topic. This is something I feel very strongly about, and that is why I advise people reading this to leave mature comments. DO NOT leave any bigoted comments or else they will be deleted. I MEAN IT.

If there's one thing that really makes me mad, it's when people shame parents for having disabled children.

I remember several years ago at the day program I attended, one of the staff members (who was, BTW, the one I hated the most) was talking about how he was not having any more kids after he and his wife had two kids. He married very young and was only 25 when he made this particular comment. He said that he was glad he had his kids young because he didn't want to have a disabled child. He apparently thought that people over 30 who have kids are guaranteed to have disabled kids, which isn't true. Not only that, but he really made me feel like shit when I said that. My mom was under 30 (one month shy of 27 to be exact) when she had me, but I've met plenty of disabled people with older parents, including some of the attendees in the program (one client's parents were well into their forties when they had him), plus lots of people in my family have had kids past 30, including my mom's younger sister who had her kids in her late thirties. Also, you really have no right to say something like that, especially if you work with disabled people! (Thankfully he no longer works at the program.) The sad thing is, this wouldn't be the last time I heard this - a user in the DeviantArt Forums said something very similar to what he said a couple of years later.

Shaming parents for having disabled children is incredibly insensitive and downright cruel and heartless. Disabled people already face a lot of issues and a lot of discrimination, not to mention we're at higher risk for things like abuse and neglect, be it from caretakers, school staff, or even family members (including parents). Many disabilities - especially autism (which I have and is rarely portrayed realistically in fiction) - are misunderstood and often portrayed inaccurately, so shaming the parents is basically punishing both them and their kids. Also, it's none of your business if a woman over 30 gives birth to a disabled child. People have children when they're ready, and plenty of people don't feel ready to have kids until they're at least 30. And if an older couple has a disabled child, the least you could do is to be sympathetic to the family. And to top it off, many of us feel like shit when we hear people shaming us or our parents.

And the sad thing is, this ableist behavior doesn't only come from right-wingers. Right-wingers are common perpetrators of these attitudes, but left-wingers can be just as bad sometimes. That staff member who made me feel like shit was pro-Bernie Sanders, hated Donald Trump, often talked about race issues, and went to Black Lives Matter protestsΒ (he's black, BTW). You can see it in the media too - notable case of this attitude in the media was with Trig Palin, the youngest child of former Alaska governor and vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin, who has Down syndrome and was born when his mother was 44 (thus fitting the stereotype of people with Down syndrome being born to older mothers). Believe me, I am not a fan of Sarah Palin, but I feel bad for her son. Yes, Donald Trump made fun of him, but Wonkette (a left-leaning website) also made fun of him, and so did Louis C.K. and Family Guy (the latter did it by portraying Chris Griffin's one-time girlfriend with Down syndrome being the daughter of a former governor of Alaska). Yes, Down syndrome happens more often with older mothers, but that doesn't give you the right to make fun of the kid or their parents for it. It's especially sad because Trig was thrust into the spotlight practically as soon as he was born (since he was born during his mother's unsuccessful run for vice-president), so people were making fun of him when he was still a baby. You can make fun of Sarah Palin all you want, but don't take it out on her son.

What's worse is that there's people who want disabled children to be aborted. Richard Dawkins flat-out said that it's "immoral" not to abort a child with Down syndrome. That has got to be one of the most heartless things I've ever heard from a high-profile individual. And it's also proof that sometimes atheists can be just as cruel to disabled people as religious people. It also brings up the concept of eugenics, which is horrifying in itself because in the past it was often used as a "justification" to mistreat disabled people (or even kill them like the Nazis did). I would actually be much more offended by some eugenicist saying that I should have been aborted than some religious nutjob telling me I'm going to hell.

Now back to me. I know that some disabled people are in bad situations with abusive or neglectful parents, but my parents love me and take care of me, and I love them too. Countless other disabled people's parents also love them and care for them. We want people to sympathize with us and our families and the struggles we go through. We don't want to be shamed for being disabled, and we definitely don't want to be told that we should be aborted. No one goes and says "I want a disabled child" - it just happens, and most parents of disabled children would love them as much as they would love any child.

Disabled people and there parents deserve to be treated like human beings. Stop treating us like shit.
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Comments: 22

DemonicRexx [2022-10-23 21:46:13 +0000 UTC]

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KAGEVISTA In reply to DemonicRexx [2022-10-23 21:55:31 +0000 UTC]

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KAGEVISTA [2022-10-23 21:29:30 +0000 UTC]

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DaBair In reply to KAGEVISTA [2022-10-23 21:37:47 +0000 UTC]

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SusTobyBo In reply to DaBair [2023-05-20 10:03:47 +0000 UTC]

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chibiuverworld [2022-06-27 06:52:52 +0000 UTC]

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KAGEVISTA In reply to chibiuverworld [2022-10-23 21:38:32 +0000 UTC]

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muffinzlol [2022-05-18 05:14:07 +0000 UTC]

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DaBair In reply to muffinzlol [2022-05-19 00:00:02 +0000 UTC]

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kohsayo [2022-05-18 03:11:12 +0000 UTC]

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DaBair In reply to kohsayo [2022-05-18 20:58:00 +0000 UTC]

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kohsayo In reply to DaBair [2022-05-19 00:35:17 +0000 UTC]

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DaBair In reply to kohsayo [2022-05-19 01:00:22 +0000 UTC]

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muffinzlol In reply to kohsayo [2022-05-18 05:03:57 +0000 UTC]

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kohsayo In reply to muffinzlol [2022-05-19 00:34:50 +0000 UTC]

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muffinzlol In reply to kohsayo [2022-05-19 02:08:54 +0000 UTC]

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ShoraOurRoboWolf [2022-05-17 14:34:13 +0000 UTC]

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muffinzlol In reply to ShoraOurRoboWolf [2022-05-18 05:13:42 +0000 UTC]

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ShoraOurRoboWolf In reply to muffinzlol [2022-05-18 12:37:58 +0000 UTC]

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muffinzlol In reply to ShoraOurRoboWolf [2022-05-18 20:20:19 +0000 UTC]

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leesydreamy [2022-05-17 04:51:04 +0000 UTC]

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DemonicRexx In reply to leesydreamy [2022-10-23 21:52:45 +0000 UTC]

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GMQUilmataalpha [2022-05-17 00:44:10 +0000 UTC]

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DaBair In reply to GMQUilmataalpha [2022-05-18 00:01:03 +0000 UTC]

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